SNB ET Player Ranking

Today the Sexually Non-Active Battalion is proud to announce its first edition of a tri-daily top seven ranking for Superfluous Neurophisilogy Battalion players. This is no conventional Battalion ranking. You won't find Regimental Quartermaster Seargents here, only a list of what many will deem as the most skilled players to have ever played the game.

Furthermore the competitive scene itself became active again throughout the last months as hot events like Spree's new album release, the addition of the Seychelles flag to crossfire and the anti3 virus incident have all recently occured. Unfortunate bystanders (aza and tekoa) had been exposed to the anti3 virus while they were infront of the hidden umbrella corpsfire lab when the virus started spreading. Sadly they could not participate in most of this EC and had to spend their time in the hospital.

With "top" players making excuses for playing bad on ETTV and trying to uncover the best possible excuse for not going to lan, the need for a player rating system increased, and Stupidly Notorious Battalion decided to step up to the plate.

We have chosen a system in which a master council panel consisting of 4 top players, some community leaders, a corporate monkey, a popstar, a black person, and a vagina can rate players by skill and how honoured they are to play eurocup (points lost for disrespectful actions like fakenicking). The master council panel members are taken from all walks of life and ethnic backgrounds to represent the sole opinion of the Supremacist Nightcrawler Battalion.

Master Council Pannel:

• aza (Super Noname Battalion)
  
• decem (Negative Image)
  
• sol (Team Ireland)
  
• beAsty (Cybergames)
  
• Pansy (Open For Discussion)
  
• chmpp (Vicious And Evil)
  
• aza (Satanic Nationality Battalion)
  
• Noorgrin (Blog Guy)
  
• Arachon (Crossfire)
  
• TosspoT (Umbrella Corpsfire)
  
• aza (Ski Neighborhood Battalion)
  
• PetriP-TNT (Crossfire)
  
• Spree (REIGN OF WAR)
  
• Gary Numan (Backup Singer in REIGN OF WAR)
  
• aza (Seasonably Nurtured Battalion)
  
• Scorch (PBBans)
  
• kamz (sublime)

The Ranking:

• [flag=be lio 5823]Although not a Seedless Nonmetal Battalion player, this guy deserves a spot of his own. A man who needs no introduction, but for some reason he got given one anyway.
  
  "Lio; the man, the legend, the GOD OF ET. He is an outstanding player that gives his heart to the team. You might think lio is just another rambo player that gets highest damage at some random CDC, but you'd find yourself in the wrong when you spec him and his almost equally skilled teammates on ETTV. Remember that win versus Poland? That was all lio, no one else could've though of such an ingenious plan as to run into the enemy spawn on fullspawn to retrieve the radar parts. Remember the name, remember his achievements, remember his playstyle. Where else are you to find such a clever young gent that is topped by noone in the ET scene. According to his team mate vila, also an amazing player, not even mAus can outclass lio. Lio is prone to write gaming history, all that stops him from doing so is the chance he might lose this EC to powerhouse SNB; individually less skilled, but as a team they have a chance to beat lio's team of which the name does not pop into my head at this very moment."
  (source: Azatej)
  
• [flag=nl Azatej 40%]"Simply the best CB banned player you can have on a team. Going to get a prac but can't find enough puns quickly enough? Before you know it he's on the server making the opponents want to commit shoeicide. Would we have claimed victory in so many practice wars if it wasn't for Azatej? Yes, probably, but it wouldn't be anywhere near as hilarious."
  
• [flag=fi Reikkeri 17]Pronouncer of world piece.
  
  "Not also known as the best field-ops in the game (after publicowner_69 ofc). He's known from his sexy abs and cool voise. Usually he likes being rly loud on vent liking Aza's laughter. Preferable being praised by hentai who almost has decided to change snb's clan nick from teamperfo to teamreikkeri. Known also known making cool quotes and renaming word pain as rahul and epic as perfo."
  (source: Anonymous)
  
• [flag=nl perfo 15]"Team oNLine player perfo is without a doubt one of ET's top players. Good gamesense, amazing aim and clear comms, that is of course until he gets a shoeit or needs to call a shoeicide. A lesser known fact about perfo is the amount of keyboards this player goes through in a day. Experts predict that perfo currently requires eighteen keyboards a day to maintain his lifestyle of furious typing."
  (source: Meez)
  
• [flag=uk Meez 12]"He does EVERYTHING different from you, and he makes sure you know it. You use Windows, he uses UBUNTO GENTOO BLACKBOX <INSERT LOADS OF DIFFERENT NAMES HERE> You use MSN, he uses some random program that most likely does the exact same thing. You use mirc, or some other common program, he uses something no-one has ever heard of - Because he is Meez. Seriously, what else do you need in a chat program that mirc or xchat or something doesn't have? Meez uses every oppertunity he gets to mention that he plays quake, or some form of it, but make sure you don't call Quake Wars, QW, or he'll give you one of his 4 paragraph rants about how QW = Quake World. Meez is apparently old school, and anything that comes out after 2003 is just shit because it is too newschool for him. I once saw Meez post that he thinks there won't be any good games released in the next 5 years. Remember who told you that. Remember. Meez most likely thinks he's a hardcore asian RTS pro. He knows every game he has played better than anyone.. ANYONE. He's been sporting the Korean flag for a good couple of months now, and that, indeed , makes him a genuine asian. Although, Warcraft 3 isn't a real RTS according to him he still enjoys making comments about playing Starcraft.. and only starcraft. He likes to play random asian golf games, just because they are asian. You can say Ni Hao to him in #asia.et."
  (source: some raged guy)
  
• [flag=uk rahul 12]"Native English speaker hentai, self-proclaimed captain of SNB, is known for his unrifled (pun heh) riflenades. More information on this lad will be announced later, as his legal documents seem to have been faked and we're trying to get a hold of him as soon as possible. When we found out about the matter, hentai said he could not start up his PC anymore and minutes later he was nowhere to be found in England. Rumours say he has been spotted at the east coast of India. More to come soon."
  (source: Azatej)
  
• [flag=de Sight 11.5]"Not too much is known about this German. Despite being the quietestestest person on Ventrilo he was caught saying "haha" once after Azatej launched an unexpected lio-pun. Supposedly has a downloading "brother" which keeps him from playing games (haha, Sight or brother :XD). Got visited by his father once but still managed to talk to us on IRC; a true multitasker I tell you."
  (source: perfo)
  
• [flag=nl Viax 10]"Besides being known as one of the (self-proclaimed) most sarcastic players in ET (lost his first place to a raging hkrep) he is also known for making a screenshot of him scoring higher damage than idle on CPC2. Once caught on camera wearing a red necktie (with a white heart pattern). Source of inspiration for the Self-incriminating Nigger Battalion's roundgoing meme "viax'd"."
  (source: perfo)

Finally I would like to thank myself for being ridiculously awesome and writing this mamoth sized journal. Furthermore I would like to thank Spree for making the metal genre what it is today. Thirdly I would like to thank your mother. And finally, a big thanks to the whole expert master council panel and all the members of Satisfying Nondetachable Battalion for making this player ranking what it is today.


Thank you for reading, and see you tomorrow.

ps: Sticky.