Breaking up and other random stuff

by trick • 5 Sep 2011, 21:40 • Journals
Just a quick note to people who'll go tl;dr, It's a story of my breakup and if you don't wanna hear it, talk about it or share your story, close the tab.

So I've known her for over 2 years and we've been dating for just under 2 years and it's not really important what happened during the time we dated - it was great - the best time of my life and she was probably the love of my life... Now you oldfags can say that I'm still young and got a lot to live for and all that... but let's say that for the time being she really was the best...
Anyway, we had this big fight in may and we didn't talk for a few days and then when we met she was acting normal and stuff, until she said that she's not sure she wants to do this any more and she needs time to think... so I was pretty sure it's over, but after a few days she said she doesn't want to lose what we had and she wants to try 'again', so after being heartbroken for a few days it was sort of a relief... and everything seemed normal, but it was all going downhill, but neither her nor me did say anything about it until today... we haven't seen each other for 3 weeks and she says she had "time to think it all over" and she said that the feeling we had was deteriorating and it died or rather she has waves, as in sometimes she thinks she still has something for me and at other times she thinks it's over... So we parted our ways as a couple today and "I ain't even mad bro" or sad... just like numb or something... so we parted in good terms and I hope to stay friends or mates with her...

No a question to you guys, any stories you'd want to share... or maybe some tips on how to turn a couple thing into a friend thing? And some general advice on how to move on, since she's the one that "lost" feelings for me, but I still had some...

Cheers,
Also some nice music would be welcome as well :)
Comments
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Testi 5 Sep 2011, 22:47
Well, i dont want to hurt your feelings but.

FROM COUPLE TO FRIENDS JUST NEVER WORKS OUT.

the only thing you can do is not to speak her for about half a year, and then try it again, else you will get fights, you wont understand eachother fully etc, and you both got different perspectives in your new kind of relation.

Its the most wise, best thing you can do.

GL with it though, you will need it.
x
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trick 5 Sep 2011, 22:57
Yeah, so I've heard, but on the other hand the way we parted wasn't the usual way... so maybe...
Thanks for the tip though :)
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schNee 5 Sep 2011, 22:59
what have u done btw?
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unblind 6 Sep 2011, 02:22
don't assume the guy did anything, you girls are fucking psychos :)
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trick 6 Sep 2011, 02:30
You mean what did I do she left me? (Which is not true)
Or how we parted? (If this, then we just talked it trough and decided it's for the best) :)
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cAnnAbiis 5 Sep 2011, 22:51
there are plenty other nice chicks
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schNee 5 Sep 2011, 22:51
Quotemaybe some tips on how to turn a couple thing into a friend thing


im just tryin it myself right now. so i have no clue :)
didnt work out for most relationships or at least we dont meet often!

schnee song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c17kx8tTgYg :)

e. sry i have to add http://soundcloud.com/powel/powel-160-sonnenkinder-the-goodbye-song
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trick 5 Sep 2011, 22:59
So I hear it doesn't work out...

Nice songs, thanks :)
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schNee 5 Sep 2011, 23:01
its like beein a couple.. u become ex... u become a couple again. imo doesnt work out aswell :)
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aDman 6 Sep 2011, 09:10
you have to stop loving each other first, then u need some time to rest from yourselves

you have to be a fucking moron if u accepted her apology first time, and u came back to each other

i'd never let a girl to break up with me... i'd break up with her first, no matter if i love her or not.


edit: oops, first i wanted to reply and then... sorry gurl
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denuo 5 Sep 2011, 22:58
shit song try skrillex - Reptile :*
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cAnnAbiis 5 Sep 2011, 23:01
skrillex - cinema
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trick 6 Sep 2011, 03:05
Both excellent tracks :)
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Panda 5 Sep 2011, 23:01
Couple to friends, don't even go there !:(

But, you could kindly tell me how to go from 'friend only' to couple :_D
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trick 6 Sep 2011, 02:36
Don't have a pro-macho recipe, I just try to be myself, since if the girl can't accept me for who I am, then she's only good for one night :D
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Rockskin 6 Sep 2011, 02:25
Ask yourself this;

Do you REALLY want to be "friends" with her? Or do you just think you can somehow get to stage you used to be with her?

I realy hope i was able to give you any good advice about all this but there simply isn't.
You want an easy answer, heartless, answer? Just dont talk to her for like half a year and you will get over her eventually. This isnt what you hoped for right?

I can really imagine your situation, when i'm in a relationship i feel i 'm always the one who loves the other more, its just who i am. If you still feel something for her, and she isn't totally sure yet, go have a really deep talk with her. Everyone in a relationship has "waves", its normal.. or mabye its really really over. Figure this out first.

Being friends with her is never going to work out aslong you still have feelings for her.
(I kept adding personal elements to this reply :/ i really feel for you bro)
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trick 6 Sep 2011, 02:56
Actually the reason I'm asking is beacause I nearly managed it with my previous ex...
She was my bff -> gf -> friend... but there is a difference between bff and friend and apart from that whenever we meet we have a blast and we tear parties up :P
And here I wish to go back to being bff's and after the long talk we had, we decided to try and stay friends until it would become too awkward. I also think that it's part of being mature to leave stuff behind and move on. We will see how this works out and if it won't, then at least I'll know I tried.

It's over, we already gave our relationship a second chance so yeah :P

Thanks for the advice and wish you all the best as well :)
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ag0n 6 Sep 2011, 04:36
Cool story bro!

May i ask what happened _exactly_ at your "first brokeup" ? in May
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Krii 6 Sep 2011, 07:48
sounds like she fucked another guy, twice
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Wesbo 6 Sep 2011, 12:43
Or sucked at least three different dicks.
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Danje 6 Sep 2011, 10:19
Ahhh, bitches be annoying!!!

I say man up and move on. Forget her and do not be friends with her, at least for more than a year.
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Darren 6 Sep 2011, 11:15
No chance to be close friends, you can leave it in good terms and she can become a "hello, how are you?" type friend, but never close, it will only hurt you to find out shes been fucking some guy.

your best bet is to just move on.

youre a bloke, youll get over it.
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trick 6 Sep 2011, 11:52
Yeah, kinda haven't thought about this, the way you did, thanks - you really gave me a reason to try harder with moving on and forgetting about her...
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Darren 6 Sep 2011, 14:16
either that, or go on a hell bent mission to fuck as many of her friends as possible.

but if u ever want to get back with her in your lifetime, just move on.
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trick 6 Sep 2011, 14:48
I wish I was capable of going on such a mission, but unfortunately or fortunately I'm not that type of a guy :S So I'll guess I'll be moving on :)
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SayatNova 6 Sep 2011, 13:09
Being friends simply is not going to work, and if it is, it will sort itself out. If you really care for eachother enough to brave the barriers going from couple to friends inherently has, then things will work out. Best advice I can possibly give you is don't give in to your emotions, if you miss her, it's alright to think about her and whatnot but don't ever give in to the temptation to call her and tell her you miss her or something, that's just detrimental to any kind of relationship you'd still like to have with her on any level. Can be tough sometimes, but you strike me as a sensible rational guy so I'm sure you'll be able to get through it. Good luck, these things really tend to suck for a while but I think you and I both know it's not the end of the world and feeling shit isn't going to last forever. Maybe chill with the guys a bit more, I've always found friends (and drinking, but that'd be a horrible advice wouldn't it) the best remedy for these kind of things.
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trick 6 Sep 2011, 13:48
Thanks, some good advice and I'd probably go and hang out with friends, but on Saturday I leaving for Uni in UK and kinda leaving everyone I know behind... apart from my ex-gf (yes this one) who's studying @ same uni (coincidence) and a random person from my course I know over fb. Soo yeah, I'm kinda fucked...
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SayatNova 6 Sep 2011, 13:58
That's one way of looking at it, another way of looking at it is realizing you have been given the perfect opportunity to meet and befriend lots of new people. I'm guessing you're not going to be the only new person attending your uni and chances are pretty high that especially in the first week(s), there's going to be a lot of get-togethers and parties and such. I am in the same situation more or less, going abroad for studies as well but I think of it as an opportunity to have fun in a foreign country and enjoy good education whilst also developing myself on a personal level. Therefore, I wouldn't say you're fucked, rather the predicament you're in might be bad at this moment, but it's up to you to make the best out of it and turn this negative into a positive.
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trick 6 Sep 2011, 14:25
Yeah, well I'm trying to tell myself that and believe in it
(I was sure of it before any of this happened), but from this point in time it's kinda hard to convince myself. I mean for almost two years she was part of my life and part of me and at first I tried not to get to attached (since I know that ends badly), but at some point I let go and allowed myself to be swallowed and sucked in. And now? Well I kinda feel like I've lost my limbs and I don't know what to do... I bet in the long run this situation (me going abroad and all that) will work in my favour, but the fact that my ex-gf is gonna be there makes me think it's gonna be harder for me to move on and all that...

*Sigh* this is already killing me...
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SayatNova 6 Sep 2011, 19:23
Realizing that in due time it will get better is a very good and big first step to take. What usually helps me is realizing that eventhough I feel really shit after a breakup, from that point onwards there's also a lot of room for improvement. I tell myself that although I feel really shit, tomorrow can only be better, and it usually is. Also what I got out of your story, things weren't going quite well lately between you two as well. I would say that not having that anxiety or not knowing what is up between you two will get rid of a lot of uneasy feelings. It sucks, but at least now you know where you stand. I really relate to what you say about getting sucked in, my first breakup was one of the most horrible experiences of my life. In the end though, there's no written rule that says you can only be happy with one person exclusively. I thought I had found my soulmate too (coincidentally, she was Polish as well, maybe Polish girls are just trouble :P) until she went and fucked me over. At that point, I thought'd I'd never enjoy feelings of affection quite like what I felt for her, but as I said, time heals all wounds, and now I am engaged to the girl of my dreams. :) To make it a bit less dramatic, think about it like this; are you going to enjoy your time in the UK if you constantly think about her, or even would that give you any realistic chances with any other girls, if all you do is think about her all the time? It's easier to forget and move on than cling on to what once was, despite that being tempting because you have known her for so long.
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trick 6 Sep 2011, 20:52
Ok, you are like a god to me now :) As to the anxiety, that is what I said to her as she was unsure throughout the whole evening, and I said that "you know my feelings and what you need to do is make a decision and don't leave me hanging, not knowing where I stand and I guess that sort of pushed it (and yes we had an uneasy talk before [in may], but it all seemed all right, maybe not perfect, but still... she was just keeping her feelings from me in order not to hurt me (or so she says), but after 3 weeks without me and enough time to think, she was more set on telling me what's up. There are some things that are still unclear and we're gonna have another meeting in order to finish it up properly, with both sides (relatively) satisfied. It might sound like a bad idea and maybe is, but I really feel I need a full closure.
Surprising thing is, I had a talk with my dad (which usually ends bad, since he sucks at dealing/talking about hard subjects) and it seems that his story and advice (after a few failed ones at the beginning) made me feel a lot better and I think that some part of me is already looking forward to life in UK and maybe breaking up with her wasn't that bad, I mean it is bad as in the fact of loosing her, but on the other hand it wasn't gonna work out if we tried for longer... and well apart from not forcing her into the relationship, I also believe you are supposed to be happy, if you're in a relationship and if one person is sad/discontent/or doesn't feel fulfilled or does not return feelings, than it's best for both sides to move on [Damn, I can't believe I'm writing this, I should be all emo in my corner:P]. I just hope she doesn't end up with some stuck up badboy, she has her issues, but she deserves a really great guy ;o :)

Anyway, you said you're going abroad, care to share where and what course? Also, all the best to you and your fiancée! And again, thank you - you're one of a few people that really helped me out! :)
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SayatNova 6 Sep 2011, 21:11
I guess that after that talk in May it wasn't a total surprise to you anymore. I think that when things like this happen, you always prepare for the worst and hope for the best. I have once met up with an ex-girlfriend to 'get closure' which ended up in a fight. Not what I hoped for, but it sure did help forgetting about her, heh. My dad is the same, I told him that I felt shit because I had some girl problems once and he told me the coolest thing, which I didn't really understand at that time. He said: "Stop complaining, get a job and see your friends". When he said it I thought it was bs, but once I found a job for a couple days a week and met up with my friends on my free evenings, I had no problems forgetting her in a short period of time. I guess what he tried to say is that girls come and go, but life still goes on without them. It's good to see you're getting ready for the UK and realized that maybe things are for the best. Especially whenever you don't feel fully happy or content in a relationship you are putting a strain on yourself that might affect you on other levels as well, f.e. influence your school performance. I think the best thing to do is focus fully on your studies and the people around it for a while, think you'll find things improving faster than you can imagine right now :)

As for me, I'll be in the UK from April to July as well, got in to Oxford somehow so hopefully gonna have a blast as well. Before coming to Oxford, I'll study in Paris for a couple months as well, so a real international advanture lined up ahead of me. Thanks for your kind words, and again not a problem, glad to see I could be of help!
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