Panda : I thought I heard my next door neighbours having sex last night, i heard moaning and banging on the wall, the next day my neighbour told me that her elderly mother had fallen and tried to get attention by banging her walking stick on the wall, i feel a bit guilty now for having a Wank
Webe on 01/06/10, 00:34:36
yo im crod
======_=======
Kevin: emorej has been dodgin lans like a profession since 2004
SpriCa on 28/06/09, 02:03:36 Edited
omg pls learn english
france retard kid
(03:25:37) (@Frop) problème, flic?
<qu@k3> j'ai dis imo pour faire genre leet
[20:08:03] <[CB]szczurek> sec i have to think
(19:21:33) (@SIMOON_) nan mais kartez` c'est le mec tu lui apprend tout et il te donne rien en echange
[18:12:16] [@mistfits] CbZ`SIMOON, tu host ça parce que quand tu as demandé à killerboy à jouer la wintercup il t'a dit que vous pouviez toujours courir? (speedcup,il a été refuser de l oc avec ses nubs de cheaters :p)
(19:49:01) (@epic`b3ck) tba = noone yet actually
[19:02:04] [+confr|upload] so kartez i think im gonna do it yourself
<@Thomm> dude, you cant hit her 600 miles away <@Thomm> since your penis is just 6 inches long <@Rhand> im not gonna hit her with meh penis <@Rhand> and 6 inches? <@Rhand> use cm <@Rhand> what are u, british? <@Thomm> 6cm? <@Thomm> :DDD <@Thomm> HAHAHA <@Rhand> idiot :DD
<duNzy> i was fighting some fat nerd, he was sending 2 little helicopters with blades on them , like mini chainsaws and they were cutting me heavy, like ramming all my head into splatter bloody shit
<duNzy> but i took knife and raped his heart out
<duNzy> and after that i was wearing a hat cuz afraid of people reaction on scars etc
I was fucking this really hot girl last night, she was so fucking fine, a body sooo perfect, you can't even begin to imagine. We went back to mine, we was fucking everywhere, I had her on the sofa, on the bed, even in the jacuzzi. I was destroying that pussy, she slipped and banged her face in the side of the tub, there was blood fucking everywhere!, I think she knocked out some teeth... it's alright though, they were only her baby teeth.
"When I was 17 my girlfriend at the time was finally ready to have sex. I, as one might expect of a 17 year old, was excited. Neither hell nor high water was going to stand between me and my final destination.
I get ready for the night, trim everything up, shower extra well. Unfortunately there was also an issue. I have a digestional disorder that sometimes cause my shit to become large and quite solid while still inside me. I wasn’t aware it was a treatable problem and, in fact, just thought everyone had to deal with the equivalent of anal kidney stones. I bring this up because I had a mighty one which had been loaded into the gun for several days.
Let me set the scene. Her parents are away. We have her house to ourselves. She was always a little kinky so she demands we do it in her parents bed.
I walk in to a candle holocaust. She’s been working on this all day apparently, and its as bright as high noon in there with the lights off. Which is good, because she proceeds to do a sweet, sexy little dance for me. At 16, she was AMAZING. For those of you who never experienced a female at that age, I pity the fool.
Now I’m sitting on the bed, watching this dance. I smile and tell her how good she looks. Unfortunately, most of my attention is focused on the dull throbbing from my sphincter and the large amount of intestinal discomfort associated with not dropping duce in days. But somehow I still get hard and we go to town.
She starts out on top, then we switch. I bend her over the bed, and I even smack her ass (a ballsy move at the time, but she loved it). Due to my built up distraction, I last for what seems like FOREVER. She can’t stop moaning and telling me how good it feels, and then she says what every man wants to hear “I want to make you go in my mouth.” I **** love women.
So she goes down on me. She was always average at best in the head department but at least she tried. She pops my **** out of her mouth long enough to look up at me and say “tell me if you like this”. Then I feel it.
She stuck her finger up my ass.
My brain hits the panic switch and every muscle in my entire body locks up tighter than a three year old virgin. But its too late.
I take a massive, PAINFUL, PAINFUL shit, all over her parents comforter.
No, you aren’t understanding. I mean large. Huge. IMMENSE. Take your largest shit and multiple it by forty-two and you’ll have an idea of what flew out of me.
And gents, when I say flew, I don’t mean “I pooped.” I mean “projectile”. I mean “hurricane force winds hitting an umbrella stand”. And due to my condition, it comes out as a large, dark brown, smelly harpoon.
I know it hit her. I didn’t see it. She ran screaming “OH MY GOD OHMYGODOHMYGODEEEEEWWWWWWWW” but I always imagined that, due to her position, it hit her right in the chin. Or at least the tits.
I would like to say I got up to go after her. But I heard the bathroom door shut and I just lied there. The smell hit me after a few seconds. It smelled like someone rolled a cat in shit and threw it into a tire fire. I looked down and saw, to date, the largest bowel movement I’ve ever heard of laying on the bed. Then I noticed the blood, and when I did, I noticed the pain.
Apparently the fact that it was so large caused it to rip my ass a little bit (thought I was bleeding from the inside. This little doctors trip the next day is what taught me of my condition). There was a small pool of blood where my ass had been. A final reminder of the exact place and moment I lost my virginity. I will treasure this memory for all my days.
I grab my shit with my hands and go to the downstairs bathroom. I throw around 1/3 into the toilet and flush, fearing any more will clog it and only add to my already significant woes.
I stand there, holding 2/3’s of my biggest shit of all time, feeling a trickle of blood flow down my leg, trying to ignore the sharp pain stabbing my rectum. I find myself wishing I had a photo of this.
Anyway, I finish flushing my baby, clean off my hands, jam toilet paper between my cheeks (I skipped the bandaid) and went upstairs. I could hear my girlfriend sobbing from behind the bathroom door. I decided not to say anything to her and just keep moving. The smell in her parents room was abysmal. Its like when you take a shit and walk out of the bathroom you think “hey not so bad today,” but then you walk back in to grab your magazine and go “HOLY SHIT!”. It was one of those moments.
The scene is burned behind my eyelids for all time. My life. My shame. My very first time smelled like a pile of dead babies. I quickly got dressed since the heat from ten thousand candles was making the room feel more like a port-a-potty. I was aware enough to grab the comforter on my way out and drag it downstairs to their washer. Also the top and bottom sheets since the blood had leaked on through all the way to mattress. Still no sign of the GF but at this point I considered it a blessing.
I jammed in the washer with 3 loads worth of detergent and set it on spin, knowing that not even the hand of God would save these linens, let alone Tide and Snuggles.
Then I left. I avoided my GF’s calls for days until she came to my house. We had a long talk about what happened. Talk being synonymous with “breaking up with me because I shit on her”. And it was all over. She promised not to tell a soul and I don’t THINK she ever did. She was probably as ashamed as I was about the whole deed. But I will always this happening as the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me."
.mp3
<ingame binds>
Anyway :) I guess everyone knows what this quote supposed to mean
or Californication ?
( rAzZ) wtf i cant move
( rAzZ) someones ddosing me
( miNdisaqueen) what is the first thing that comes to your head when i say africa
( rAzZisaqueen) bob marley
XD
If you're going to be crazy, you have to get paid for it or else you're going to be locked up.
`casek: what?
Talon: i wish i had youe dick
Talon: and suck it dry
Talon: 'till it turns into a sun dry tomatoe :)
Webe on 01/06/10, 00:34:36
yo im crod
======_=======
Kevin: emorej has been dodgin lans like a profession since 2004
SpriCa on 28/06/09, 02:03:36 Edited
omg pls learn english
france retard kid
(03:25:37) (@Frop) problème, flic?
<qu@k3> j'ai dis imo pour faire genre leet
[20:08:03] <[CB]szczurek> sec i have to think
(19:21:33) (@SIMOON_) nan mais kartez` c'est le mec tu lui apprend tout et il te donne rien en echange
[18:12:16] [@mistfits] CbZ`SIMOON, tu host ça parce que quand tu as demandé à killerboy à jouer la wintercup il t'a dit que vous pouviez toujours courir? (speedcup,il a été refuser de l oc avec ses nubs de cheaters :p)
(19:49:01) (@epic`b3ck) tba = noone yet actually
[19:02:04] [+confr|upload] so kartez i think im gonna do it yourself
[00:30:42] [+wype] kartez t'es allé voir Macdo le clown récemment ?
e: <niSmO> No, it's just when Jacob puts his shirt off..it's really awesome!
TEAM JACOB
artstar: ipod: *5mins later*
artstar: ipod: YO ARTSTAR IM AT LIBRARY LETS {PLAY ET
Poor Thomm, you definitely need a little vacation <3
<duNzy> but i took knife and raped his heart out
<duNzy> and after that i was wearing a hat cuz afraid of people reaction on scars etc
"Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere. "
nederlandse
"Komt een vis bij de dokter, zegt de dokter ik zie het al, uit de kom"
"Er zitten 2 vliegen op de kale kop van een oude man zegt de een tegen de ander:
Weet je nog dat we hier vroeger verstoppertje speelden."
"Het toppunt van discriminatie
Een drol voor het huis van een neger leggen en zeggen dat zijn kind gekrompen is"
"Waarom zet een dom blondje lege flessen voor een feest in de koelkast?
Antwoord: Voor de gasten die geen dorst hebben"
Loopt een 0 over straat, komt ie een 8 tegen: "Zeg, zit je riem niet een beetje te strak?"
"Wat is het toppunt van kleinheid?
Antwoord: Met een stijve tegen de muur aanlopen en nog je neus breken"
"Wat is het toppunt van werkloosheid?
Een hoer met spinneweb tussen haar benen."
"Wat is het toppunt van vertrouwen?
Je laten pijpen door een kannibaal."
"waarom komt sinterklaas nooit bij de moskee?
antwoord: omdat hij dan teveel schoenen moet vullen"
"Wat is het toppunt van grofheid?
Geef een blinde man een pistool en zeg dat het de fohn is."
Tiigeri'i: my ass hurts :( bad toilet paper at school
M8D u96d - Night: we really have no ideas how to break ur defence, sorry!
saintt' [parodia]: well, dont waste our time then!
gambit: ich schwitz schon so spannend ist das."
senji: du schwitzt weil du dick bist"
URTIER: xD"
Webe (about pds) : because ur a fucking kanker mongol who needs gilette fusion
Girls are like parking lot. the availables are for disable ppl
I get ready for the night, trim everything up, shower extra well. Unfortunately there was also an issue. I have a digestional disorder that sometimes cause my shit to become large and quite solid while still inside me. I wasn’t aware it was a treatable problem and, in fact, just thought everyone had to deal with the equivalent of anal kidney stones. I bring this up because I had a mighty one which had been loaded into the gun for several days.
Let me set the scene. Her parents are away. We have her house to ourselves. She was always a little kinky so she demands we do it in her parents bed.
I walk in to a candle holocaust. She’s been working on this all day apparently, and its as bright as high noon in there with the lights off. Which is good, because she proceeds to do a sweet, sexy little dance for me. At 16, she was AMAZING. For those of you who never experienced a female at that age, I pity the fool.
Now I’m sitting on the bed, watching this dance. I smile and tell her how good she looks. Unfortunately, most of my attention is focused on the dull throbbing from my sphincter and the large amount of intestinal discomfort associated with not dropping duce in days. But somehow I still get hard and we go to town.
She starts out on top, then we switch. I bend her over the bed, and I even smack her ass (a ballsy move at the time, but she loved it). Due to my built up distraction, I last for what seems like FOREVER. She can’t stop moaning and telling me how good it feels, and then she says what every man wants to hear “I want to make you go in my mouth.” I **** love women.
So she goes down on me. She was always average at best in the head department but at least she tried. She pops my **** out of her mouth long enough to look up at me and say “tell me if you like this”. Then I feel it.
She stuck her finger up my ass.
My brain hits the panic switch and every muscle in my entire body locks up tighter than a three year old virgin. But its too late.
I take a massive, PAINFUL, PAINFUL shit, all over her parents comforter.
No, you aren’t understanding. I mean large. Huge. IMMENSE. Take your largest shit and multiple it by forty-two and you’ll have an idea of what flew out of me.
And gents, when I say flew, I don’t mean “I pooped.” I mean “projectile”. I mean “hurricane force winds hitting an umbrella stand”. And due to my condition, it comes out as a large, dark brown, smelly harpoon.
I know it hit her. I didn’t see it. She ran screaming “OH MY GOD OHMYGODOHMYGODEEEEEWWWWWWWW” but I always imagined that, due to her position, it hit her right in the chin. Or at least the tits.
I would like to say I got up to go after her. But I heard the bathroom door shut and I just lied there. The smell hit me after a few seconds. It smelled like someone rolled a cat in shit and threw it into a tire fire. I looked down and saw, to date, the largest bowel movement I’ve ever heard of laying on the bed. Then I noticed the blood, and when I did, I noticed the pain.
Apparently the fact that it was so large caused it to rip my ass a little bit (thought I was bleeding from the inside. This little doctors trip the next day is what taught me of my condition). There was a small pool of blood where my ass had been. A final reminder of the exact place and moment I lost my virginity. I will treasure this memory for all my days.
I grab my shit with my hands and go to the downstairs bathroom. I throw around 1/3 into the toilet and flush, fearing any more will clog it and only add to my already significant woes.
I stand there, holding 2/3’s of my biggest shit of all time, feeling a trickle of blood flow down my leg, trying to ignore the sharp pain stabbing my rectum. I find myself wishing I had a photo of this.
Anyway, I finish flushing my baby, clean off my hands, jam toilet paper between my cheeks (I skipped the bandaid) and went upstairs. I could hear my girlfriend sobbing from behind the bathroom door. I decided not to say anything to her and just keep moving. The smell in her parents room was abysmal. Its like when you take a shit and walk out of the bathroom you think “hey not so bad today,” but then you walk back in to grab your magazine and go “HOLY SHIT!”. It was one of those moments.
The scene is burned behind my eyelids for all time. My life. My shame. My very first time smelled like a pile of dead babies. I quickly got dressed since the heat from ten thousand candles was making the room feel more like a port-a-potty. I was aware enough to grab the comforter on my way out and drag it downstairs to their washer. Also the top and bottom sheets since the blood had leaked on through all the way to mattress. Still no sign of the GF but at this point I considered it a blessing.
I jammed in the washer with 3 loads worth of detergent and set it on spin, knowing that not even the hand of God would save these linens, let alone Tide and Snuggles.
Then I left. I avoided my GF’s calls for days until she came to my house. We had a long talk about what happened. Talk being synonymous with “breaking up with me because I shit on her”. And it was all over. She promised not to tell a soul and I don’t THINK she ever did. She was probably as ashamed as I was about the whole deed. But I will always this happening as the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me."