In the near future, most of my family will probably be dead. I don't have any friends, just yesterday was my 21st birthday and I stayed at home and ordered pizza. I have no self esteem, lack complete confidence, shy, awkward, terrible anxiety - the list goes on. I've had this for the past few years, and it's ruined my life so far. I've failed all my exams, didn't go to university and I don't have a job. I want to change , but whenever I try to learn or do something, there is simply no motivation whatsoever, just pure negative thoughts. I want to lie in my bed all day and never move. The thought of going outside scares me, it is pretty normal for me to spend 3 weeks indoors without stepping outside my house.
However, there are a few rare days where I randomly feel happy and confident, and I can see a good future in my life. The feeling doesn't last long though, and I'm back to my own self the next day.
I know this is fucking pathetic, and there are millions of people in the world who die because they can't access clean water, and live terrible short lives, and here I am whining like a fucking pathetic first world spoilt cunt who probably doesn't deserve what he has. I wish I could just change the way I am, I know it sounds so easy, even sometimes on one of my positive days it sounds doable, but come the next day it simply isn't.
I don't even know what the point of this post is. Am I even posting this in the right section? Maybe I'm hoping somehow someone will recognise my account and help me. I know I don't have many years left. Something needs to change. Am I just lazy? Wtf is wrong with me?
In the near future, most of my family will probably be dead. I don't have any friends, just yesterday was my 21st birthday and I stayed at home and ordered pizza. I have no self esteem, lack complete confidence, shy, awkward, terrible anxiety - the list goes on. I've had this for the past few years, and it's ruined my life so far. I've failed all my exams, didn't go to university and I don't have a job. I want to change , but whenever I try to learn or do something, there is simply no motivation whatsoever, just pure negative thoughts. I want to lie in my bed all day and never move. The thought of going outside scares me, it is pretty normal for me to spend 3 weeks indoors without stepping outside my house.
However, there are a few rare days where I randomly feel happy and confident, and I can see a good future in my life. The feeling doesn't last long though, and I'm back to my own self the next day.
I know this is fucking pathetic, and there are millions of people in the world who die because they can't access clean water, and live terrible short lives, and here I am whining like a fucking pathetic first world spoilt cunt who probably doesn't deserve what he has. I wish I could just change the way I am, I know it sounds so easy, even sometimes on one of my positive days it sounds doable, but come the next day it simply isn't.
I don't even know what the point of this post is. Am I even posting this in the right section? Maybe I'm hoping somehow someone will recognise my account and help me. I know I don't have many years left. Something needs to change. Am I just lazy? Wtf is wrong with me?
for this man: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0btXhLdAuAc&feature=autoplay&list=PLC688B3F9B6D8CC56&playnext=1
Fixed.
yes.