windows update bs

hiya

i like my stuff cheap or for free, since i'm dutch

i dont like to be fucked in the ass, since i'm a boy

i want my onboard sound to work, since i'm not deaf

now microsoft is suddenly suspecting me from using an illegal windows, which i am using for several years now, but the problem is that i either need an illegal windows update (1&2) or some neat trick to get my onboards working without them.

For you this sudoku.

Anyone with help is appreciated
C.