Grandma

So shes 75 or whatever, something close to that, and as such is losing control of some of her bodily functions. Now I don't spent an awful lot of time with her but shes staying with us for the weekend, and staying in the room across the hallways from here, and I hear this door open. Very slowly, because she has weak hands. Its 1am or whatever so I don't want to disturb her in whatever shes doing and keep scrolling through xfire. From the reflection in the window I see shes come to stand in the doorway to see what I'm doing and to probably complain about the infernal racket this notepad keyboard isn't making.

Ok so I don't know what else she ate that we didnt, I'm assuming she slipped in a few midnight baked beans because within a few seconds there comes this noise, very deep and hollow, clearly the poor dear has a bit of wind. Yet something is amplifying it, its like a whoopee cushion only longer, and more cringeworthy - mainly because it takes a few agonising tenths of a second to work out what the origin of this noise is. Remaining glued to the screen in horror, and hope that I will somehow forget this gutwrentching memory, another one comes, shorter this time but still definately there. And it becomes like a train speeding out of a platform, the rumbles get louder and keep on coming. By this point I think she'd given up the idea of making conversation or at least fulfilling her original aim of getting me to turn the pc/lights off (dont read that the wrong way dear god), and started making her way back to her room a couple of metres away. Only she cant walk very fast, bless, due to weak bones, so this uncontrollable release of wind last for a good 30 seconds longer before it finally dies with the closing of the door.

I'd never experienced my grandmother doing this before, its truely a shocking experience. I'm even too scared to go to bed now, who knows what rancid thoughts could enter my mind in the disparate realms of sleep! :-(((