(Working as a manager for a retail electronics business, I have a customer come in with a DVD player in a box, opened)
Customer: “This DVD player doesn’t work. It won’t play my DVDs. Can I get an exchange?”
Me: “Well, lets see if we can get it to work.”
(I take the DVD player over to the AV wall and quickly hook it up to our system. Under 30 seconds to do so, the customer in tow)
Me: “Oh, here’s the problem. It seems that the disc somehow ended up upside down in the DVD player.”
(I flip the DVD over without even looking at the disc or anything and push it back in, turning back to the customer)
Customer: “Oh great! I knew something wasn’t quite ri…”
(Suddenly, coming up on all my TVs, blaring through the sound system that is usually playing a music DVD, comes blasting ‘Bow Chicka-Bow Bow!’ and a rather grotesque scene of cheesy porn. I think it is the fastest I have ever moved, because by the time the first customer turned around to see what was going on, I had the AV cables yanked)
Customer: “Uh… That’s where that went! Heh…” *VERY sheepish look*
Me: “Okay, all fixed. Need me to help put this back in the box for you?”
Customer: “No, thanks. I can do it. Thank you for all your help.”
(I guess I wasn’t quick enough or just the sheer recognition of the music line, because I had two customers laughing very hard and one old lady who walked out very fast)
Me: “How long has it been since you last connected?”
Customer: “I was connected until a few minutes ago.”
Me: “Have you changed anything in your network?”
Customer: “Well, I was downloading some movies over the net, but the download got too slow. I called a friend of mine and he told me that some movies could’ve gotten stuck in the cable. So I cut the cable to see if I could yank it out of there. I didn’t find anything, so I taped the cable back together. Now, can you get it back to work?”
LOL this wife of Obama looks like the monster from Predator! :O
oh wait
":D"
Customer: “My fish died again.”
Me: “How long did you have the fish for?”
Customer: “Only about two days. This is the second fish this has happened with.”
(I proceed to start asking questions about her daily tasks of tank operations. After several minutes, I can’t figure out what is wrong.)
Me: “How about you take me through your daily routine?”
Customer: “Well, first I go down and feed the fish. Then I pick him up and pet him for a bit. Then around lunchtime, I pet him some more.”
Me: “So you pull the fish out of the water and pet it?”
Customer: “Only for a few minutes. Why?”
Me: “Fish can’t breath out of water. Didn’t you notice it gasping?”
Customer: “Well, it can just hold its breath, right?”
Me: “I don’t believe so, but I will check our flyer to see.”
(As I’m flipping through the pages she stops when she sees an advertisement for a sale.)
Customer: “See, right there. It says save $2.98.”
Me:”I’m sorry, ma’am, but it says save $2.98 when you buy [Company Brand] Margarine, not [Major Brand].”
Customer: “Oh, well my husband needs the salt-free kind, and [Company Brand] doesn’t make a salt-free.”
Me: “Well that’s not the one that’s on sale.”
Customer: “Well he needs a salt-free kind.”
Me: “Well, then you’ll have to buy the [Major Brand] one.”
Customer: “But it’s not on sale, and he needs a salt-free.”
Me: “Yes, I heard you ma’am, but if [Company Brand], doesn’t make a salt free margarine, then you will have to buy the [Major Brand].”
Customer: “You don’t understand. My husband needs a salt-free margarine. If he has a normal margarine, it will spike his sodium and he’ll die.”
Me: “Then you’ll have to buy the [Major Brand].”
Customer: “But it’s not on sale.”
Me: “Well, there’s nothing I can do about it, ma’am.”
Customer: “You really don’t care anything about my husband’s health, do you? You don’t care that he could die so easily do you?”
Me: “Ma’am, it’s not that I don’t care. You can buy the salt-free [Major Brand].”
Customer: “But that margarine isn’t on sale! You are just going to stand there and murder my husband!”
Customer: “This DVD player doesn’t work. It won’t play my DVDs. Can I get an exchange?”
Me: “Well, lets see if we can get it to work.”
(I take the DVD player over to the AV wall and quickly hook it up to our system. Under 30 seconds to do so, the customer in tow)
Me: “Oh, here’s the problem. It seems that the disc somehow ended up upside down in the DVD player.”
(I flip the DVD over without even looking at the disc or anything and push it back in, turning back to the customer)
Customer: “Oh great! I knew something wasn’t quite ri…”
(Suddenly, coming up on all my TVs, blaring through the sound system that is usually playing a music DVD, comes blasting ‘Bow Chicka-Bow Bow!’ and a rather grotesque scene of cheesy porn. I think it is the fastest I have ever moved, because by the time the first customer turned around to see what was going on, I had the AV cables yanked)
Customer: “Uh… That’s where that went! Heh…” *VERY sheepish look*
Me: “Okay, all fixed. Need me to help put this back in the box for you?”
Customer: “No, thanks. I can do it. Thank you for all your help.”
(I guess I wasn’t quick enough or just the sheer recognition of the music line, because I had two customers laughing very hard and one old lady who walked out very fast)
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Caller: *worried female voice* “My dog has a red thing on him.”
Me: “Is it actively bleeding?”
Caller: “No.”
Me: “Where is it located?”
Caller: “On his tummy.”
Me: “Can you describe it to me? How large is it? Does it look more like a cut, a rash or an abrasion?”
Caller: “It looks like a little stick of lipstick.”
Me: “That’s his p****.”
Caller: *hangs up*
Customer: “I can’t connect to the internet.”
Me: “How long has it been since you last connected?”
Customer: “I was connected until a few minutes ago.”
Me: “Have you changed anything in your network?”
Customer: “Well, I was downloading some movies over the net, but the download got too slow. I called a friend of mine and he told me that some movies could’ve gotten stuck in the cable. So I cut the cable to see if I could yank it out of there. I didn’t find anything, so I taped the cable back together. Now, can you get it back to work?”
Me: *grimace*