Any good jokes?
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6 Mar 2011, 02:19
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Journals
Share some good jokes. Make em short please.
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And that's how the fight started.
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And that's how the fight started.
I said, 'Quake Live Final'
And that's how her Momentum started.
:DDDDDDD
MADE ME FUCKIN LOL
but everyone has a other sense of humor !
When white people make fun on white people then black people think it's racism because they are left out. When white people make fun of black people, you guessed it, it's racism.
and im not black .
could not help it lol :D
Paddy goes to his local nurse to say he has a severe rash on his balls, she examines him & says 'Your going to have to stop wanking', He says 'WHY?' she says, 'because im trying to fucking examine you'
Woman goes to the Dr's & says 'I'm getting to much discharge' Dr says 'Pop ya knickers off and get on the bed'. He puts on his latex gloves and applys 3 fingers into her vagina, 'How does that feel?' Fucking lovely she replies but the discharge is in my ear!
Mick & Paddy are reading headstones at a cemetery. Mick says 'Crikey, This bloke died aged 152'. Paddy says 'Whats his name mick?' Mick replied 'Miles from London'.
Opens up and a guy in green from head to toe stood there.
"you must be envy ?" he says "thats right!" and he lets him in.
The next knock at the door , he opens up and Paddy and Mick are stood ther stark ballock naked.
Paddy stood ther with his cock in a bowl of custard and Mick with a pear on the end of his cock.
"What the fuck have you two come as?"To whick Paddy replies
"Well oi'm fuckin dis custard and Mick's cum in dis pear!"
Prolly only funny to wales people :D
She said: "Dear RazZaH, i just cant keep this relationship with you up. The distance is way to high. I also have to admit that i betrayed you 4 times already since you arnt here anymore. This isnt okay. Neither for you nor for me so i think that we have to end this right now. I am really sorry for this. Could you do me one last favour and send me back my foto which i gave you?"
regards Sarah.
Well, at first i was like wtf but then i realised that it was the truth. She really broke up with me AND betrayed me. I couldnt let her win in a moral way. I had to write something back that she wont ever forget. I mean she betrayed me so i went to all my friends, girlfriends, exgirlfriends, cousins and so on and collected some pictures. I collected like 57 pictures and put them all with Sarahs picture into a folder. I also put a letter to all that pictures and wrote a small letter:
"Dear Sarah,
i am really sorry, but i dont know anymore who you are. Could you please pick out your picture and send me back the other pictures."
regards razzah
So Bush, Condi and Dick Cheney are flying in Air Force one together. Condi looks out the window and says, "I could throw out one $100 bill out the window and make one person very happy."
Cheney looks at her and says, "Yeah well I could throw 10 $10 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy."
Not to be outdone Bush replies "Yeah well I could throw 100 $1 bills out the window and make 100 people very happy."
The pilot listening to all this, turns to his co-pilot and say, "For chrissake, Y'know I could throw those three out the window and make 6 billion people very happy."
A: They marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving.
Q: Why don't Jewish cannibals like eating Germans?
A: They give them gas.
It's only a draft.
ET will be 6on6
alexL is clean
UK gonna win NC
Sample & Ensam & kapaa goes to TLR esports challenge
MOAR
once i was at the doctor together with my bro alright, and there was some really black guy sitting around. so basically my bro said "hey gimme that magazine plz" and i was like "i'm not your fucking nigger".silence.
so yeah basically that was it, not the funniest stuff around though
made me lol
But that was cruel.
"OMG. What was a 5-yo doing at school?"
"Yeah, that's what I thought too"
You know there are different times of drunkness / hangovers.
Pope drunk = two guys carrying you, no one can understand what you speak.
Wolf hangover = you wake up next to something so horrid that you have to chew off your hand just not to wake that thing you are sleeping with.
New one!
Jonah-drunk = you are that drunk that you go inside a whale
http://www.sickipedia.org/
have fun :>
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
- Maybe we should make a huge party?
- Nah John, it's senseless...
- How about I get some girls to dance for you?
- Nah John, it's senseless...
- Hmmm... Maybe I can tell you a riddle?
- Ok John, let's try that.
- There it goes... What's this: small, hairy and goes to a hole?
- It's obvious John, it's a cock!
- No earl, it's a mouse.
- Mouse in a pussy? That makes no sense...
tortured with guilt, in one ear his conscience is saying "You are a
single man, don't worry about it". In his other ear, his conscience is
saying " you're a fucking vet you sick bastard".
The first man tells the lady about their situation and begs her for a drink.
The women says, "Sure, if you fuck me."
The first man replies, "I would rather die in this desert, then sleep with your fat smelly ass."
The second man wants to live and agree's to do the deed. The second man and the women enter the shack, leaving the first man outside. The women says, "fuck me then!"
The man agrees to do it only if she will close her eyes. He looks around the shack and sees a table full of corn on the cob. He picks one up, fucks her with it and throws it out the window. The women opens her eyes and asks for it again.
The man agrees and repeats the deed. The women is finally satisfied and agrees to give the man and his friend some water. The man calls his friend in and informs him that the women is going to give them some water.
The friend replies, "Fuck the water, I want some more of that buttered corn."
FUNNIEZZZZ :{DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
• Zamisli kakva je ona moja drolja!
• A zašto? - pita Haso.
• Zamisli, vraćam se s puta i šaljem joj telegram da ću doći, a ipak je uhvatim sa švalerom!
Posle kraćeg ćutanja, opet će Mujo zamišljeno:
...• A možda i nije drolja, možda nije dobila telegram.
NO
neighbor
she says: doctor, plz help me, make my breasts bigger.
the doctor replies: no problem at all ma`am, just go home, take a piece of toiletpaper and rubb it between your breasts.
the woman looks strangly at him and ask: well, are you sure that helps?
doctor: why not? it did with your ass
It is only joke so dont be mad i like jew irl :D
RELIABLE
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why am i the only one getting a warning , there are alot of racist jokes here , yet you only deleted mine whats up with that?