Cheaters: The Human Perpsective.

Much has been written on the cheating issue, much and at the same time very little. Many points have been made but rarely are the saliant and never have they reached the very core of the issue: cheaters are not human. You may be inclined to believe that this is a existential statement, that I believe cheaters somehow dimish their humanity by engaging in immoral activity, but you would be wrong: I thoroughly believe that cheaters possess the biology and neurological makeup of what we would commonly refer to as "Alien Life".

Where it be through spontaneous creation or other wordly origin, cheaters do not share our common human lineage. Much like Belgians, they are not of this world; they possess only half a heart, have twice the lung capacity of the average human, and are the proud owners of what amounts to only a small fraction, a billionth in fact, of the computational power of the human mind: this bare minimum of intelligence gives them the rudimentary forum and internet browsing skills, image processing and enough hand eye coordination to correction grasp a mouse. Through what is reffered to as darwinian evolution, the cheater developed their biological defense mechanism in the form of neural pathways which contain the information required to repeat phrases such "It was my brother"; "I have a dynamic ip"; "I am skilled"; "I was prefiring"; "It was luck"; these responses are perfectly camouflaged and are enough to convince even the most discerning of investigators.

The only way to correctly identify a cheater to is to acquire a special set of manufactured sunglasses, the wearing of which will instantly reveal the cheaters hideous biological malformations, otherwise camouflaged by the cheaters chameleonlike skin reflex. These sunglasses can be purchased at a modest price from reputable resellers, simply e-mail your bank account number, sort code, address and mothers maiden name (for security purposes) to [email protected]. It is also interesting to note that wearing any form of sunglasses and shouting "I am here to kick ass and chew bubble gum, but I'm all out of bubble gum" has shown great promise as an adhoc solution should you lose your proper shades.

Now that you are aware of the cheaters habits and methods of discovery, it is time to move on to the cheating philosophy. As evan quite rightly pointed out, cheaters are actually a disease, much like aids, and again, the Belgians, who must not only be outed, but also quickly destroyed by large doses of drugs and macroscopic white blood cells: this is the only known way to effectively destroy a cheater. That cheaters are a disease is not incidental, they are driven to infect and destroy anything which lays in their path: they are known rapists, murders, child molesters and fans of reality TV; the latter of which has done more to infect television and culture than anything else in history.

I emplore you, if you find any cheaters in your midst, to engorge them on penicillin and through large bags of stolent plasma, they very fate of the world, television, and even our childrens innocence rests in your hands.