There was this Mexican guy, Black guy, and Asian guy all working for the same construction company. At the beginning of the day the boss calls a meeting with them about today’s work. They were all pretty new, so they had to be assigned jobs.
He says to the Mexican guy, "You’re in charge of the cement."
He says to the Black guy, "You’re in charge of the dirt."
He says to the Asian guy, "You’re in charge of the supplies."
After delegating out all the responsibilies he says, "I’m gonna be back at the end of the day to check on your work. It better be good or you’re all fired." The boss was quite serious and had a reputation for being shrewd. They immediately get to work.
At the end of the day, the boss comes back and checks on their work. He looks at the big pile of cement and says, "Nice work," to the Mexican guy. He looks at the big pile of dirt and says, "Nice work," to the Black guy. He looks around and can’t find the Asian guy anywhere so he asks, "Where the heck is that Asian guy?"
All of a sudden, the Asian jumps out from behind the big pile of dirt and yells, "SUPPLIES!"
Laying Off Sarah Or Jack
Mr. Smith owned a small business. He had two employees, Sarah and Jack. They were both extremely good employees - always willing to work overtime and chip in where needed.
Mr. Smith was looking over his books one day and decided that he wasn't making enough money to warrant two employees and he would have to lay one off. But both Sarah and Jack were such good workers he was having trouble finding a fair way to do it. He decided that he would watch them work and the first one to take a break would be the one he would lay off.
So, he sat in his office and watched them work. Suddenly, Sarah gets a terrible headache and needs to take an aspirin. She gets the aspirin out of her purse and goes to the water cooler to get something to wash it down with. Mr. Smith follows her to the water cooler, taps her on the shoulder and says, "Sarah, I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."
And Sarah says, "Can you jack off? I have a headache!"
Somehow Pregnant
A young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor. "Young lady," said the doctor, "you're pregnant."
"But that can't be. The only men I've been with are nudists and in our colony we practice sex only with our eyes."
"Well my dear," said the doctor, "someone in that colony is cockeyed."
Top Or Bottom For Boy Or Girl
There were women waiting in a doctor's office.
They started talking and one women said, "I'm going to have a girl because I was on the bottom last time and I had a girl. I was on the bottom again this time so I'm going to have another girl."
One of the other ladies said, "I'm going to have a boy, I was on the top."
The last lady started to cry.
The two other ladies asked, "Why are you crying?"
She replied, "I'm going to have puppies!!!"
Make Me Piss Vodka
A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want." The Russian begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking vodka."
Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka." The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses in it. He looks and the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a taste and it is the best vodka he has ever tasted.
The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come quickly!" She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to drink, it is vodka Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka she has ever tasted. The two drink and party all night.
This goes on for the next few nights. Finally Friday night comes and the Russian comes home and tells his wife, "Natasha grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink vodka." His wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table. The Russian begins to piss in the glass and when he fills it his wife asks him, "But Boris, why do we need only one glass?" Boris raises the glass and says, "Because tonight my love, you drink from the bottle."
Nice American[10:47am] <nde|warp> Did you guys win the cup?
[10:47am] <uQ-Ati_> yes
[10:47am] <nde|warp> Excellent
[10:47am] <nde|warp> How does it feel?
[10:47am] <uQ-Ati_> ;o
[10:47am] <uQ-Ati_> as usual
[10:47am] <nde|warp> Like great or just like cool?
[10:48am] <uQ-Ati_> ... -.-
[10:48am] <nde|warp> lol
[10:48am] <nde|warp> I dunno, Im an American
Some years ago there was a dead polak. The polak went to heaven ( no this is not the joke). There he met Petrus. In heaven there were maaaaany clocks and the polak wanted to know what this clocks stand for. Polak: "why are there so many clocks?" Petrus: " No problem, i tell you ! Do you see this clock over there with the German flag ?" Polak: "Yes i do, Its 1 o'clock ! " Petrus: " There is a secret about this clock. Everytime a german commits a crime, the second hand moves one second forward. Polak: "cool cool but where is the polish clock then ? Petrus: " its over there...were using it as kitchen clock"
*Dont read if you think will get offended* Whats the differance similaraties between Madaline Mc cann and a submarine?
:DDD
you!
doesn't know he is black
AnswerThe both lived with their mother until they were 33 and neither had a job.
He says to the Mexican guy, "You’re in charge of the cement."
He says to the Black guy, "You’re in charge of the dirt."
He says to the Asian guy, "You’re in charge of the supplies."
After delegating out all the responsibilies he says, "I’m gonna be back at the end of the day to check on your work. It better be good or you’re all fired." The boss was quite serious and had a reputation for being shrewd. They immediately get to work.
At the end of the day, the boss comes back and checks on their work. He looks at the big pile of cement and says, "Nice work," to the Mexican guy. He looks at the big pile of dirt and says, "Nice work," to the Black guy. He looks around and can’t find the Asian guy anywhere so he asks, "Where the heck is that Asian guy?"
All of a sudden, the Asian jumps out from behind the big pile of dirt and yells, "SUPPLIES!"
Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up in the morning?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.
How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares?
Mr. Smith owned a small business. He had two employees, Sarah and Jack. They were both extremely good employees - always willing to work overtime and chip in where needed.
Mr. Smith was looking over his books one day and decided that he wasn't making enough money to warrant two employees and he would have to lay one off. But both Sarah and Jack were such good workers he was having trouble finding a fair way to do it. He decided that he would watch them work and the first one to take a break would be the one he would lay off.
So, he sat in his office and watched them work. Suddenly, Sarah gets a terrible headache and needs to take an aspirin. She gets the aspirin out of her purse and goes to the water cooler to get something to wash it down with. Mr. Smith follows her to the water cooler, taps her on the shoulder and says, "Sarah, I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off."
And Sarah says, "Can you jack off? I have a headache!"
A young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor. "Young lady," said the doctor, "you're pregnant."
"But that can't be. The only men I've been with are nudists and in our colony we practice sex only with our eyes."
"Well my dear," said the doctor, "someone in that colony is cockeyed."
Top Or Bottom For Boy Or Girl
There were women waiting in a doctor's office.
They started talking and one women said, "I'm going to have a girl because I was on the bottom last time and I had a girl. I was on the bottom again this time so I'm going to have another girl."
One of the other ladies said, "I'm going to have a boy, I was on the top."
The last lady started to cry.
The two other ladies asked, "Why are you crying?"
She replied, "I'm going to have puppies!!!"
A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want." The Russian begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking vodka."
Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka." The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses in it. He looks and the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a taste and it is the best vodka he has ever tasted.
The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come quickly!" She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to drink, it is vodka Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka she has ever tasted. The two drink and party all night.
This goes on for the next few nights. Finally Friday night comes and the Russian comes home and tells his wife, "Natasha grab one glass from the cupboard and we will drink vodka." His wife gets the glass from the cupboard and sets it on the table. The Russian begins to piss in the glass and when he fills it his wife asks him, "But Boris, why do we need only one glass?" Boris raises the glass and says, "Because tonight my love, you drink from the bottle."
[10:47am] <uQ-Ati_> yes
[10:47am] <nde|warp> Excellent
[10:47am] <nde|warp> How does it feel?
[10:47am] <uQ-Ati_> ;o
[10:47am] <uQ-Ati_> as usual
[10:47am] <nde|warp> Like great or just like cool?
[10:48am] <uQ-Ati_> ... -.-
[10:48am] <nde|warp> lol
[10:48am] <nde|warp> I dunno, Im an American
Polak: "why are there so many clocks?"
Petrus: " No problem, i tell you ! Do you see this clock over there with the German flag ?"
Polak: "Yes i do, Its 1 o'clock ! "
Petrus: " There is a secret about this clock. Everytime a german commits a crime, the second hand moves one second forward.
Polak: "cool cool but where is the polish clock then ?
Petrus: " its over there...were using it as kitchen clock"
A tomato...