Hello, I'd like to present you my latest work. It is my work in progress, I'm wondering if I could get some feedback.
Since this is work in progress, plot lines can be suggested.
WARNING: It's quite long..
Chapter 1 - The albumIt all started when our over-heralded star, Deathcut666, woke up in a fantastic pumpkin patch. It was the eighth time it had happened. Feeling very pleased, Deathcut666 punched a carrot, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). A few unsatisfying minutes later, he realized that his beloved best Death Metal album, H.I.M. was missing! Immediately he called his so-called buddy, OmegaKawaiiNaruto98. Deathcut666 had known OmegaKawaiiNaruto98 for (plus or minus) 2 years, the majority of which were enticing ones. OmegaKawaiiNaruto98 was unique. He was congenial though sometimes a little... clueless. Deathcut666 called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
OmegaKawaiiNaruto98 picked up to a very unctuous Deathcut666. OmegaKawaiiNaruto98 calmly assured him that most venomous koalas grimace before mating, yet albino cats usually charismatically sigh *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Deathcut666. Why was OmegaKawaiiNaruto98 trying to distract Deathcut666? Because he had snuck out from Deathcut666's with the best Death Metal album by H.I.M. only five days prior. It was the best Death Metal album afterall.... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Deathcut666 got back to the subject at hand: his best H.I.M. album, OmegaKawaiiNaruto98 cringed. Relunctantly, OmegaKawaiiNaruto98 invited him over, assuring him they'd find the stolen Deathcut666 grabbed his time machine and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, OmegaKawaiiNaruto98 realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the albu by H.I.M. and he had to do it aggressively. He figured that if Deathcut666 took the neighborhood-terrorizing crotch rocket, he had take at least seven minutes before Deathcut666 would get there. But if he took the Cock train? Then OmegaKawaiiNaruto98 would be barely screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, OmegaKawaiiNaruto98 was interrupted by two annoying Death Metal cows that were lured by the H.I.M album.. OmegaKawaiiNaruto98 turned red; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling relieved, he aggressively reached for his live hand grenade and thoughtfully stroked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the bush, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Cock train rolling up. It was Deathcut666.
As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at LidL to pick up a 12-pack of bananas, so he knew he was running late. With a hasty leap, Deathcut666 was out of the Cock train and went scandalously jaunting toward OmegaKawaiiNaruto98's front door. Meanwhile inside, OmegaKawaiiNaruto98 was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the H.I.M album into a box of ninja stars and then slid the box behind his George Foreman grill. OmegaKawaiiNaruto98 was stunned but at least the album was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' OmegaKawaiiNaruto98 exotically purred. With a skillful push, Deathcut666 opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some abrasive self-righteous ass in a gas-guzzling, ecology-destroying, tankish SUV,' he lied. 'It's fine,' OmegaKawaiiNaruto98 assured him. Deathcut666 took a seat hilariously close to where OmegaKawaiiNaruto98 had hidden the best Death Metal album.. OmegaKawaiiNaruto98 shuddered trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Deathcut666 was distracted. As if it really mattered OmegaKawaiiNaruto98 noticed a dimwitted look on Deathcut666's face. Deathcut666 slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
OmegaKawaiiNaruto98 felt a stabbing pain in his ear when Deathcut666 asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the best Death Metal album, H.I.M. right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Deathcut666's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's death metal wolverine furs from when she used to have pet Indonesian devil cats. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Deathcut666 nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before OmegaKawaiiNaruto98 could react, Deathcut666 deftly lunged toward the box and opened it. The best Death Metal album by H.I.M. was plainly in view.
Deathcut666 stared at OmegaKawaiiNaruto98 for what what must've been six microseconds. Happy as a frickin' monkey, OmegaKawaiiNaruto98 groped surreptitiously in Deathcut666's direction, clearly desperate. Deathcut666 grabbed the H.I.M album and bolted for the door. It was locked. OmegaKawaiiNaruto98 let out a enticing chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Deathcut666,' he rebuked. OmegaKawaiiNaruto98 always had been a little stupid, so Deathcut666 knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before OmegaKawaiiNaruto98 did something crazy, like... start chucking gerbils at him or something. Unaware of the bleakness of existence, he gripped his the H.I.M album tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
OmegaKawaiiNaruto98 looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Deathcut666. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame three days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Deathcut666. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. OmegaKawaiiNaruto98 walked over to the window and looked down. Deathcut666 was gone.
tl;dr: Basically, the hero of the book gets his precious album stolen and then shit happens.
