Ass wiping strategy #2

by noodle • 25 Jul 2011, 22:02 • Journals
Previously we made a journal about ass wiping strategy and folding the paper or scrunching it.

In current ventrilo discussion it has come to light that after scrunching said paper and wiping his rear end with it, perfo then proceeds to pinch a corner of the scrunch-fuck-ball of toilet roll using his hands like tweezers to turn the TP around and then wipe his image: L6Kd4 with it to absorb excess drippage.

With the folding technique this sounds perfectly normal to me as you would fold the shitty side away leaving no risk of SHIT ON HANDS and then proceed to clean your tackle however perfos method just begs for SHIT ON HANDS.

how do you go about this conundrum?

image: P8VuM

image: and_so_begins_a_lifelong_aversion_to_bathing



RANDOM JOOCHOOBS:

Comments
19
▼
zaNc 25 Jul 2011, 23:10
I dont use toiletpaper, thats why I wash my hands afterwards.
▼
IceQ 25 Jul 2011, 23:12
that vid is so awesome
▼
Cstm 25 Jul 2011, 23:14
nice random pic :d
▼
Niki0o 25 Jul 2011, 23:32
wadap with video m8?
▼
Burneddi 25 Jul 2011, 23:43
Just use the pussy shower unless you happen to have the absolute cleanest type of shit in existence.

Oh wait, as an englishman you can't since the shower only gives out hot or cold water.
▼
loazis 25 Jul 2011, 23:45
wut
Parent
▼
WuT 25 Jul 2011, 23:46
hi what u need ?
Parent
▼
loazis 25 Jul 2011, 23:47
haha so funny
Parent
▼
Burneddi 26 Jul 2011, 00:01
image: DSCN0069
This motherfucker here. No, not the corner of the toilet paper roll. No, not the wall. The fucking shower. The remedy to all hangover diarrhea you might ever encounter in your life. No longer will you have to spend a full loo roll and still not be comfortable with the cleanness of your arse.
Parent
▼
Taiki 25 Jul 2011, 23:49
Piru piru pipuripiiiiii
▼
hayzee 25 Jul 2011, 23:54
lol at random pic
▼
Viperish 26 Jul 2011, 00:46
Quote"Don't Shave That Hair!!!
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!"
▼
noodle 26 Jul 2011, 00:49
pretty sure baggiez shaves his ass, what an idiot
Parent
▼
Artstar 26 Jul 2011, 02:18
dear god I was laughing so hard more toward the end. :D
Parent
▼
NoCS 26 Jul 2011, 03:52
ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!
Parent
▼
rahula 26 Jul 2011, 10:14
haven't seen this for years... classic
Parent
▼
rahula 26 Jul 2011, 10:15
i scrunch [without getting shit on hands]

folding looks effortful
▼
sadFace 26 Jul 2011, 11:35
I'm folding ofc. It is imo the best way of removing shit without getting any on the hands + you can insert the TP kind of deep inside the anus to remove the maximum amount of shit possible without the TP breaking down in the anus (this may sounds a bit gay tho).
Back to top